Ben Johnson Is Football Moses—Just Follow Him
Last week’s press conference revealed a new look for our lord and savior, Ben Johnson—one we have yet to see in his Bears tenure.
If you don’t know what I’m talking about, Ben walked into the Bears’ free agency presser looking like a man who had just watched 57 straight hours of Shane Waldron’s offense and wanted to rip his own eyes out.
Many joked, “This is what the Bears do to a man.” And honestly? Fair.
But I didn’t see a broken, defeated coach.
I saw John Wick. And the rest of the league just killed his dog.
Actually, no. They didn’t just kill his dog. He had 31 dogs, and 31 teams each took one out.
I don’t know—I’m trying to exaggerate how unhinged this man looked. But the point is, Ben Johnson looked like a guy ready to go on a hell-reigning football revenge tour, and that has me absolutely fired up.
Like, throw on a helmet and run a seam route just to get lit up by Budda Baker fired up.
Now, if I know anything about a man who hasn’t slept in weeks, he’s either: (1) Losing his absolute mind, or (2) Cooking up something so diabolical that even Aaron Rodgers would call it witchcraft.
And I’m going with option number two.
Bears fans need to understand: Ben Johnson is deeper in the lab than Walter White.
And he’s not cooking up meth. He’s cooking up Mesh, baby.
Because Ben Johnson isn’t just a coach. He’s Football Moses.
We, as Bears fans, have been wandering the offensive wasteland for years.
- Quarterback purgatory
- Offensive line disasters
- Dumbfounded faces on the sidelines
- One timeout sitting in our pocket
PHOTO: Kirby Lee/Imagn Images
We have seen the deepest, darkest days imaginable. And now, it’s time to trust our guy and follow him to the promised land.
And I’m telling you this now because it is time to stop doubting, stop micromanaging, stop fighting on Twitter, and just let Jesus take the wheel.
Ben Johnson being Jesus, of course. Yes, I just compared Ben Johnson to John Wick, Moses, and Jesus.
And yes, I am literally doing the thing we swear we won’t do every offseason—writing a check we absolutely will not cash.
But screw it. We ball.
Alright, now that we’ve established Ben Johnson as Football Moses, John Wick, and Jesus, let’s talk about the actual moves that fans are somehow finding a way to be mad about.
The Jonah Jackson trade? Apparently a “bad move.”
Look, I get it—some people think Jackson had a down year last season. But let’s take a step back. When was Jonah Jackson at his best? When Ben Johnson was his offensive coordinator in Detroit. The guy thrived under Ben. And now? He’s back with Ben.
That’s called trusting the process. If we believe in Ben Johnson, then we should believe in the guys he believes in. It’s as simple as that.
Then there’s Joe Thuney.
An All-Pro left guard—a guy who has blocked for both Tom Brady and Patrick Mahomes. A guy who has been in the biggest games, won championships, and brings the kind of leadership that an offensive line room desperately needs. The Bears’ offensive line has needed stability for years, and now we’re bringing in a proven stud.
Somehow, people still find a way to complain.
It was a fourth-round pick, people. We literally drafted a punter in the fourth round last year. (He’s awesome, but still. C’mon.)
And then we got Drew Dalman.
Look, I get it—maybe we overpaid. But if you’ve been following me at all (probably not, but you should), you already know:
I do not believe in the salary cap.
The salary cap is as real as my budget on vacation. (I went on an absolute tear in Europe. Like an absolute tear. Still financially recovering… probably never will. Had such a great time though… still hurting so bad… so fun though.)
I do not care what we paid for Drew Dalman in an inflated market. If it means someone else can help Caleb Williams recognize that a free-running linebacker is about to send him to the shadow realm, then I’m happy.
You know what’s expensive? Having T.J. Watt spike our franchise quarterback’s face through the core of the Earth.
So, news flash to the capologists on Twitter: the Dalman signing rocks.
At the end of the day, Caleb Williams is our retirement plan.
And if you walked into a financial advisor’s office and asked how to protect your future, they wouldn’t tell you to throw everything into some meme coin called Fartcoin.
They’d probably tell you to invest in the S&P 500.
And that’s exactly what we’re doing.
We’re investing in safe, proven players. Guys we know will provide a return. Not everything needs to be a home run. Not every offensive lineman needs to be a rookie project we pray develops.
We’re building something stable. Something that works.
I know we’re all doing the whole pessimistically optimistic thing and saying results on the field are all that matter, but look at it this way—we just got a 90% on a quiz. Yeah, the final is worth 80% of the grade, but that doesn’t mean we can’t go grab a Miller Lite and celebrate a little. And hell, if we keep acing these quizzes, maybe the test will take care of itself.
(Also, Miller Lite, if you’re reading this—again—I’m still here. Still giving out free ads. Still waiting. A case of beer, a hat, a simple nod of acknowledgment. Anything. Please.)
So relax. Take a breath. Trust Ben. Trust the process. Let the man cook.
Side note: I’m only talking about our main offensive additions because that’s Ben’s jam. But if you somehow don’t like the Grady Jarrett signing, please do me a favor:
Go watch him pat Jordan Love on his little baby head like a disappointed father, then get back to me.
I may be exaggerating how upset people were with these additions.
To be honest, it feels like—for once—we’ve been a pretty rational crew. I mostly just wanted to fire off some jokes and let everyone know how excited I am to have the Great Wall of Chicago.
That said, when it comes to the draft, I do believe there’s real disagreement. And honestly? All sides make solid points.
On one hand, you have the “double down on the offensive line” crowd.
And yeah, I get it. We can never have enough offensive linemen. Last year, we had what, 27 different variations of the offensive line? That’s not an exaggeration; it’s a science experiment gone wrong. I absolutely get behind stacking the trenches.
Then, there’s the “get an edge rusher at all costs” movement.
Also makes sense. Dayo is unproven. Some would say we invested in Fartcoin here. But hey, sometimes Fartcoin quadruples in value. I don’t know, man. I’m still studying for my CFA.
And then there’s the deep, dark corner of Bears Twitter.
The Alibaba of the Bears Universe.
Where you can find all sorts of insane things.
And if you listen closely, deep in the shadows…
You hear it.
“Jeanty.”
(I’ll throw “Warren” in there for fun too, why not?)
And this is where the pitchforks come out.
People are losing their minds.
Now, don’t get me wrong—I don’t believe in drafting a running back early either.
But let me remind you where this 5 trillion-word blog began: Football Moses.
This is the time where we need to just trust Ben Johnson.
We screamed at the hilltops for this man. We waged full-scale Twitter wars to bring him here. And it is clear as day that he is playing a major role in Ryan Poles’ decision-making. And honestly? That’s a great thing.
So if Ben Johnson wants Jeanty… or Warren… or a Division III wide receiver taken 243 picks too early… Just do it.
Let it happen. Let Jesus take the wheel.
We need to believe that this guy knows what he’s doing.
Ben Johnson’s plan is too complicated for my peanut brain, but this peanut brain is big enough to understand one thing: We need to let him cook.
The Lions got crucified for taking Jahmyr Gibbs, and I know for a fact that every Bears fan reading this would sell a kidney to have that man on our team.
And yeah, yeah, yeah—I already hear you screaming, “BUT THE LIONS HAD AN OFFENSIVE LINE!!!” Sure. Fine.
But we have not seen this Bears offense with Ben Johnson. We haven’t seen how this O-line operates under him. We’re assuming one of these tackles at 10 is plug-and-play, but do we actually know that? (Something about arm length? I don’t know. I’m more of a QB hand-size hater myself.)
At the end of the day, the Bears have put themselves in a good enough spot that we might be able to have some cookies for dinner.
And you know what? We’ll still get some veggies in the second round.
The Moral of the Story?
We have the guy. It’s time to start believing in the guy.
And just trust the process.
Plus, how sick would it be to have Jeanty housing 70-yarders on Sundays? I mean, c’mon. That’s awesome.
PHOTO: Kirby Lee/Imagn Images
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Categorized:Bears